108 Nights 108 Dreams

having it all

2010-03-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

I remind the baby
to stay in the center
laundry basket perched

on larger than life hand
filled with an odd assortment
of this that and frozen raspberries

I am busy dividing the task
organizing and planning
how to accomplish without overwhelm

a past with long tale

2010-03-22T08:49:00.000-07:00

in a night of many dreams
I carry this box
towards the door
the pale past with
long tale has eaten
everything and leaps
to be released under
cat's paw and out
under the back door

3:my mother confesses

2010-03-18T09:34:00.000-07:00

In the dream
My mother confesses
An affair with a foreigner
Who knows how to listen
To concerns and worries

She hasn't told my father
And I am torn whether to
tell myself. And waking
I wonder where I stand
Am I my mother my father the one who listens.

1:always rescuing the little fur

2010-03-18T09:01:00.000-07:00

your driving her car
both brother sister halves are asleep
i can't close the door
i'm worried about the little one getting enough water

the halves are fighting
distracted i can't close the door of our moving vehicle
all that is precious to me slips out the door
i try to catch it but she runs furiously in her fur and fright

i book a session for mom with the Queen of York
to discuss her theories with fergie is just what she needs
to remember where she parked her car
with the windows up
with my little one inside

i'm trying to move
but there's so much left over
the layers of the paint are thick
the flowers are fresh when they should be wilting
i see if there's anything I can take
but make the bed instead

2: Too close to examine

2010-03-17T09:32:00.000-07:00

Too close to examine
this writer-parent
presses into me
I finger my attraction
wondering if it's normal.

1: on fire

2010-03-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

Holland is burning
And Forike's sweet face
searches over the waters
wondering what will remain

There is a house of hers
safe on the lake and full of art
and friends. We go to take stock of
Paintings striking beautiful
thick strokes thick lips
and I'm thankful its been saved
even as she is dismissive

The raft bears three floating
a few inches under the surface
of the water warm neutral
while Holland is burning

108a - Epilogue

2009-07-25T13:39:00.001-07:00

I was a ghost, flesh
burned away, made unreal.
I tried to touch the piano
with my unmade fingers
of air but the keys stayed
silent, untouched.
Other invisible spirits
came and said, look, you
cannot play here any longer.
You are changed, burned clean
of body, not of this place
anymore. You must move on.
And so I did. Wisping and
flickering like a breeze
into fire, I flared red,
then was gone, leaving just
jangling bones behind.

108 - roots

2009-07-24T12:27:00.000-07:00

I dream this last dream
stressed and worried at the roots,
tending the market stand, minding
the vegetables. I sit on an old wood
crate, chatting with a faceless old
friend. My mother-in-law, the boss
at the cash register, keeps yelling
at me to clean up around the tomatillos.
I check and see them all in order,
neat green stacks of round balls.
She yells again, and I say ok, grab
a broom and whisk away some fallen husks,
green shells strewn, but there is little
to do. Then I see Jena's market stand,
how she has happily divided the trash
into categories, cheerily disposing
of all the residue into labeled boxes,
everything perfectly organized and ready
for the garbage truck. Is this what
my mother-in-law wants? Then I have to share
the news with my husband that the baby
is not his, but rather the offspring
of my college boyfriend from 20 years ago.
He doesn't seem disturbed, but I am livid
that my ex-boyfriend won't come see his son.
How can anyone deny their child. At least
my husband accepts him as as own. But still
I dream stressed and worried at the roots.

107 - dead guy

2009-07-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

A family of strangers
walks into my apartment, heads
to the bedroom. I look
at them with questions, but
they're here for the wake.
Oh, there's a dead body
laid out on my bed, I forgot.
He's been there for days.
The family emerges sorrowful,
long-faced, exclaiming about
what bad shape he was in, how
ill he must have been. Night
falls, and the baby and I need
a place to sleep. We curl up
on the couch, give up the bed
to the dead guy. I'm afraid
to open the door to the bedroom
since, like I said, he's been
there for days, and I have no idea
how to get rid of him.

106 - body-free

2009-07-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know why she's driving,
but she is, behind the wheel of an SUV,
me in the passenger seat, baby strapped
into his seat in the back. She's barreling
over dark dirt roads, moonless night up
on the mountain top, top speed. I call
out directions, right, left, as we bounce
over boulders, in and out of gullies.
She almost takes us over a stone wall
into a vast drop off, shadowy valley
barely visible below. I scream, stay
to the left, and almost immediately
she veers to the right, flying over
rocks. We are airbound, tumbling,
rolling down the mountainside, roof
crashing, axles breaking, frame of vision
spinning. We land upside down, in an odd
stillness, silent except for the low hum
of the earth. I must have died. There
were written words on a piece of paper
I was supposed to remember, but didn't.
I must have died, because after that,
I traveled body-free, making night
into day and day into night. I opened
myself, inserted myself into myself,
and awoke with a great trembling orgasm.

105 - camels and acrobats

2009-07-14T06:14:00.000-07:00

The camels riding
behind me on the bus
swing their giant heads
back and forth, grazing
my ear with their soft lips,
drool dripping down my neck.
I giggle and they keep doing it
on purpose, and at every intersection
there are dark-skinned boys in pairs,
dangling from the overhanging
stoplight poles, performing
jawdropping acrobatics.
They finish with a ta-da
each time, big flourishes
before the bus heads out
to canyonlands, camels jostled
more than me on rough road.

104 - replay

2009-07-07T11:45:00.000-07:00

They threw a big party
for both babies, making a trail
of candy for each of them
to follow. But somehow I ended
up with the little girl in my arms,
and even as she smiled at me, she
swung back falling, her dainty
curly-haired head bashing against
the stone floor. I could only
think of how I would explain
to her parents how it had happened
in my care, so my awake mind said,
replay! I spooled the scene back
and handed her to someone else
as soon as she came into my arms.

40 depends

2009-07-02T07:45:00.001-07:00

A dozen beautiful illustrations
How to fold incontinence pads

I haven’t remembered dreams for weeks
And this is what I bring back?

103 - again

2009-07-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

She was always sort of sinister
and still is, flashing black eyes
into my dreams. Old lover, still
following me years later, she
is filming me with an old movie
camera, lounging in a house
that is supposed to be mine.
She follows me around with those damn
penetrating eyes, and I'm trying
to figure out how I can get rid
of her, yet again.

93-spider

2009-06-28T08:00:00.000-07:00

trying to escape from the crazy
I prepare my bag and consider
the window
there is not enough time in this
moment, one of the few
or am I simply too afraid

and I am hunched behind the couch
spiders everywhere. one is strung from
my hand on it's web, I try to shake it off
and feel pain, has it bitten me?
breathing hard, not speaking
remembering my childhood
spider catatonia, this, now,
this is not so bad

what does spider say?
dance dreams alive
create from hearts bliss

these web threads barely
connect all of the parts of me

92-body mosaic

2009-06-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

gold tiles, wide
across the expanse
of the back, smaller
to follow the contours
of the body, even smaller
around the eyes.

this is so beautiful,
far more beautiful
than it would
really be.

91-wedding attack

2009-06-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

searching through chargers for the perfect serving dish with my mother
while the wedding party waits for food to be served, and I realize that
the ceremony is after the meal, and we still have not finished planning it
or asked someone to officiate. panic ensues, in dream and real time.

102 - fortune

2009-06-20T09:13:00.000-07:00

You did it in secret, entering
me into the contest, standing
in line with tens of thousands,
and even though you never passed
any test they gave you, you kept
advancing, probably because you
are cute and the judges thought so
too. You got me to the final stage,
and I won an exhibition of my paintings.
You took me into the gallery finally
to show me what you did for me,
and all my paintings were red and golden
shining on the wall, houses and halos
and feathers, and each one was marked
"Sold." I looked at the prices
you had put and I did some math
and the tears rolled down my face
at the huge stroke of fortune
I have found in you, not for money
but for finally seeing me and what I do.

36-How do I kneel to kiss the ground?

2009-06-20T06:44:00.000-07:00

Night in my childhood church
Two by two the line proceeds
My partner falling behind me

The women show me how to
Stop right here so he can
Catch up…and he does

We are last he and I
Too late for communion
Too late for a pew with kneeler

But the community calls my name
And though my hands are dirty
Blessings spoon into open mouth

All his shame
and mine
forgiven

90-hari kari

2009-06-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

elaborate drama at a party with too many
people. I feel invisible and too visible and sick
and lonely. now I am contemplating putting
a long thin skewer into my thigh to end the
suffering. joe takes me to the doctor in a giant
walmart, thankfully realizing that I am really
not well.

35-magic carpet?

2009-06-17T08:46:00.001-07:00

The shag carpet that
I’ve inherited smolders
Ready to burst into flame

Waking I can only hope it’s magic

89-3:55am

2009-06-17T07:58:00.005-07:00

I swore I would remember when I woke
with red dripping down my thighs
and hobbled to the bathroom with my
hands between my legs, but now
all that is left is that it was definitely
david boreanaz in a role unlike any I've seen
him play. it was a good one too.

101 - smoke signals

2009-06-17T06:57:00.001-07:00

There are red-eyed demons
in my house, smoke rising up
from their ears, and I fly
through the corners, skimming
along the ceiling looking,
and I wake up scared, short
of breath. Asleep again, I ride
trains, crawl through tunnels
with little girls, and I know
I can't dance the steps they're
asking me to do, filling in for
the missing partner. But I look
out my hall window as I'm talking
on the phone, and I see those two
volcanoes again, clear as day.
They're somehow rearranged on the map
so that there they are, gleaming
at me with their snowy faces,
smoke rising up from their ears.

100 - almost over

2009-06-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

I dream heavy
layers of texture
and a thousand flying images
but I remember nothing
because it's almost over
and it ends with baby dreams
baby calling out Papo and Babi
to Pancho and Abuela
passing through his night mind.

34-this way

2009-06-16T07:36:00.001-07:00

my hand caresses
soft leaves and
the glimmering
forest beckons

88-homeopathics

2009-06-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

making homeopathics
from the essence of individuals
as a remedy for getting along with them
or for falling in love

99 - fell apart

2009-06-15T06:34:00.000-07:00

Damn tourists, always
stupid and complaining - they
hide out in their room the whole time,
then bitch that their bed fell apart.
Did they even pay their bill?

98 - losing

2009-06-12T09:01:00.001-07:00

The robot monster clinging
to the side of the building locks eyes
on me and I know it, even though
I still ask, "Did he see me?"
Then I hoist up on my rope and battle
for my life and the lives of all the babies
hiding under the ledge, 20 little feet in Robeez
sticking out from under the stone molding
10 stories above the street. And at some point
during the night, I'm moving and about
to miss the last bus, but I am still sorting
through my shoes, the last thing to pack.
I'm running through the terminal, with stacks
of old boots and sandals, trying to decide
which to keep. I'm flagging down the bus,
throwing myself into the last empty seat,
filled with remorse over moving and losing
so many shoes.

97 - grow again

2009-06-11T10:34:00.000-07:00

I have a new plant
that is a geranium tree,
the red bulby flowers
shaped into new stature.
It's too big to fit anywhere
in my garden and I hack around
the root ball to make it smaller.
But I realize that I'm cutting
the roots and it won't survive,
like a botched separation
of siamese twins. I try to put
it back together, humpty dumpty,
and find a spot in the yard
where I can dig away
some grass and try to
let it grow again.

33 - this way

2009-06-11T07:12:00.001-07:00

emerged from darkness
her hair is full of stars radiant

32-white coat

2009-06-09T08:02:00.000-07:00

I found it with unabashed joy
An old-fashion white riding coat
Empire bodice and tails
The whole town could ride on

31 shorn

2009-06-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

In the mirror my haircut was horrible
Alternately shorn patches and long strangled locks
And the image so striking I immediately knew it as dream
And let myself fall smiling into a backstroke in the air

96 - long time

2009-06-09T05:59:00.001-07:00

I am changing the baby's diaper
badly and have shit all over my hands.
People from high school are showing up
at my house and I have nothing to offer
them, but an empty house and a shitty
diaper. The heat is unbearable and
everyone sits outside looking at each other's
hair and clothes, and I feel vaguely 80's
and unfashionable. Shannon shows up -
been a long time - and I know it was a long
drive for her, so I don't know why we spend
the whole time talking about a red
ceramic vase I used to have years ago.

30-short

2009-06-08T08:04:00.001-07:00

In my dreams
The hair still hangs
Taunt from the
Weight it carried
In life the curls
Are freed and
Choose flight

87-Rh- protocol

2009-06-07T14:07:00.000-07:00

I am at the house of an acquaintance
who is pregnant. we are testing her blood
for type. she is AB+. we test the father
of her baby even as I am thinking, why are we
testing him if she is not even Rh-?

95 - flood

2009-06-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

I am in a crafts store trying
to pick out materials to make
some cheesy recuerdos for some fiesta,
and the bitchy salesman is barely
helping me. I get about half the things
I need, and get home and can't remember
what I was going to make, but I have
weird simplistic paper cutouts
of Virgin and Child, and giant felt
eyelids and eyelashes, and I vaguely
remember thinking I would construct
larger than life angels with them.
I store all the supplies under the stairs
in a stranger's house, and when I come
back for them, it has rained too hard
and the house is flooded and two people
I don't even know have drowned trying
to save my supplies from the flood.

29 - words

2009-06-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

after days and nights of we
my dreams are all
construction of poems
hands moving sentences
and uncovering meaning
to words that feel like
adorare but are unique

86-in dreams made manifest

2009-06-06T06:28:00.000-07:00

a conversation from last night
is played out in my dreams, with all
of the things that could possible go wrong
going wrong. the question being, if that is a
possibility, is that still
what you want?

28 - Delicious sweet laughter

2009-06-05T07:48:00.001-07:00

I am turning toward him
And his hand is on my face
Covering it in chocolate pudding
Its possibly even in my eye
But I haven’t opened it to check
And the kissing is
Delicious sweet laughter

94 - my size

2009-06-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

I wonder why whenever
there is a good sale, super cheap
prices, they never have my size.
I spend the night shopping
for shoes at only 78 pesos,
leather boots with too-tall heels,
but I never find a pair that fits.

93 - all the way down

2009-06-04T13:08:00.000-07:00

You came home from Guadalajara
on the bus, and didn't even call
to tell me you were coming. I found
you on the couch, naked, splayed
out watching TV. Somehow your
unaccustomed nakedness turned me
on, and I leaned over the back
of the couch and rubbed my hands up
and down your back, your chest,
gliding into the sparse hairs between
your nipples. I reached my fingers
all the way down and before either
of us knew it was coming, you came.
We each had handfuls of white
semen dripping on the couch, and we
both frantically tried to clean up
the mess, not even knowing where so
much cum had come from.

27-home

2009-06-03T07:02:00.000-07:00

The outline of the painting
Was imprinted on the side
Of the white ribbed home.
Her grandmother’s home.
And my dream documentary
Reviews how she was welcomed back:
The attic redone a practical bedroom
The bathroom redone in iridescent tiles.

There is a place to dream the future
Prepared for you by your ancestors
Come Home.

85-breastfeeding

2009-06-03T06:34:00.000-07:00

I am in my house, a cavernous room
with a man who has come to drop something off
he embraces me, which is okay, and then smells
my bottom, which is not, I am outraged and walk
away

I am in the bedroom, with our client and twins
she is passing them off to me, kittens first, now
babies, trying to find milk from my just learning
how to lactate breasts, she gives me a sling to help
and I pull at my nipples, but we all just get frustrated
I should have a new nurser sign so these babies know
what to expect

the doctor comes in and wants to talk to her, to me
she insists that joe be there as well, he won't answer
her call, so I give her my phone as I know he'll pick up
if he thinks it is me

92 - zipline

2009-06-03T06:22:00.000-07:00

The world is ending, everything
is flooded, the skyscrapers
have been swallowed by waves.
Through this strong current,
mountaintop to mountaintop,
we ride a rickety zipline, harnessed
in by some old woven straps. There
are only about 8 of us that made it on,
and one guy falls. I grab his arm
and the people next to me grab an arm,
a leg, and somehow, with all our strength,
we manage to hold on to him until we
reach land. I board a bus to Chihuahua, not
sure why I'm going there or what I'll
do, not even sure if I'll be able
to find a place to stay.

91 - stars

2009-06-02T07:32:00.000-07:00

I make a design of the Milky Way
out of little silver pins stuck
into a black velvet board. But then
someone comes back from there, and says
no, it's not like that. The stars
aren't symmetrical, they're beautifully
random. So I have to fix my design.
I take a hammer and smash the pinheads,
smearing them in different directions,
spinning and flowing out from the center,
because I want my Milky Way
to be authentic.

26 - bravado

2009-06-02T06:30:00.001-07:00

I walk into the bar
With unfamiliar bravado
And a cowgirl hat

The hat I remove
Once seated in the booth
But the bravado I keep

90 - big cats

2009-06-01T08:58:00.000-07:00

Lions leopards jaguars cheetahs
I can't really remember what
I dreamed but it seems there
should have been big cats
running through my mind

84-nightmare wedding

2009-06-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

everyone is arriving and simultaneously setting up
it feels like a frat party, the last thing I wanted.
I am in a mirrored closet trying to decide which dress
to wear, I can't find the one I want - all of these have
white silk and patches of mexican embroidery.
why didn't I deal with this earlier, I have to open the
door to have enough light to see what I look like
and then all of the out of town guests want to say
hello. I have no idea what the ceremony is or what we
are going to say. I want to crawl in a hole and disappear.

then I am on the toilet bleeding, cleaning, worrying
I accidentally sent my mother some pornography

25 - leave it

2009-06-01T06:41:00.000-07:00

Packed and impacted
I tried to pull dreams back
But stories won’t untangle
And I’m remembering they
Weren’t very fun anyway.

83-spaghetti wedding

2009-05-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

in a strange cafeteria
with high windows and fluorescent lights
I am in my wedding dress, everyone
has waited for us to start the spaghetti
it is a horrible meal for my white gown
and anyway, I feel totally overdressed

24 -exit

2009-05-31T08:59:00.000-07:00

Back in time
I am still leaving the
bed we shared
I don't want to meet
the new girlfriend who is
eager for my approval.
I am eager for the door.
***
Ushered through
the foreign church
I kneel awkward
beside him and
make the sign of the cross
Genuflecting not to the altar
but to the exit.

89 - not my dream, the baby's dream

2009-05-30T11:56:00.001-07:00

I have to wake the baby early,
and he resists coming out
from the groggy, heavy folds
of sleep and warm blankets.
Curled up like a little kitten,
eyes still glued closed, he barks
bow wow bow wow, and I know
he was dreaming about doggies.

23 - gnomes

2009-05-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

I'm desperately trying
to read and retain
the message
but the words
are nonsense
all filler
and the images
are garden gnomes
falling
or flying
with only geese
as companions
this was supposed
to be serious

88 - childhood

2009-05-29T08:30:00.001-07:00

Childhood friends grown
up now, but we still lay
side by side in slumber party
sleeping bags and when we look
into eachother's eyes, there are no
barriers. With the complete intimacy
of youth and trust, we are open.

87 - the song

2009-05-28T07:51:00.000-07:00

I am pointing
to the bunny rabbit hunched
down at the back end of my yard,
and in that moment the teacher
says "Raise your hand if you
want to sing the song."
Everybody is looking my direction,
at my flailing arm and pointing hand.
They don't see the bunny rabbit, and now
everyone picks me, thinking I think
I know how to sing.

82-mom

2009-05-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

my mother is pregnant
I thought so the last time I saw her
but this time it was so obvious
she said, she didn't think it was possible
so she was pretending it wasn't so
but I feel a foot

I pull out my equipment to measure
listen, feel everything

we talk about who the father is,
carmen, she says, and again how
she didn't think this was possible
it's been years since she bled

22 - student teacher relations

2009-05-27T08:39:00.001-07:00

This lover is teacher
And the test thick bound
My mind flutters
I have not studied
But think I’ll pass
Or perhaps cheat
He is smiles and ease
And I am the
Unprepared student

21-kick me aware

2009-05-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

On the yellow school bus
I yell and kick you for leaving your friend
Threatening to never speak to you again

In the classroom
I watch as you kick my charcoal piece
Across the floor unaware of its importance

At the desk
I realize I have left everything precious
unguarded and in the open all night

What am I disregarding in waking life?

86 - fruiterology

2009-05-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

If you cut the grapefruit
just right, the cross section
of the many wedges shows you
your lifepath in a puzzle
of numerology. Calculate
your number based on your birthday,
count the little fleshy pink
sections to find the location
of your number in the grand scheme
of oozing juice, and then consult
the accompanying grapefruit book
to see your result. I wonder briefly
if it works with any old grapefruit,
or just this one.

81-vampires

2009-05-25T07:39:00.000-07:00

again I spend the night in a strange
blood filled movie. murder of people
and the undead by sunlight. and wake
unsure of who or what or when I am.

anger, blood, shame, rape. ineffective police work.
ineffectual retaliation. cold skin.
even the undead don't want to be ended.

nothing horrifying, just life as I know it.

85 - snake

2009-05-22T06:33:00.000-07:00

Mixing water and the gray
gritty powder in a bowl
should have produced reconstituted
snake, but I stirred and stirred,
came up with snake body, but
could not create a head or tail.

20-art

2009-05-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

A party at your house
And I discover my paintings
Featured on you kitchen wall
They are remedial and embarrassing
but I coax myself into kindness

19- Spectacle

2009-05-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

I cannot contain myself
On the street corner
Cars drive with the green light
And my body dances with
Jerks and wiggles to its
Own music ridiculous and free

80-old love

2009-05-19T08:21:00.000-07:00

we are having a sleep over at the house of my
elementary school love. sleeping on the floor. it is
a bit of a college house, with lots of people living in
different bedrooms. while joe is sleeping I slip off
to hang out with my old friend, finding my old self,
this little girl/woman child awake and enamored.
we play, we kiss, we shower. I worry that the door
is open and joe could see us at any time. but it is hard
to stop this old love from expressing itself, hard
to want to.

18 - dark

2009-05-19T07:23:00.000-07:00

In the dark
I neck & roll
With artistic self
Giggling
And staying quiet

17- normal junk

2009-05-18T11:34:00.001-07:00

I double check the house
The townsfolk suspect
We are not altogether human
And I want to make sure
We’ve left no evidence

79-practice makes perfect

2009-05-18T07:41:00.000-07:00

we seem to be a basketball team
we're on the court in our uniforms
working on practicing fetal head
palpations, we each have to select our
position, I choose face presentation
and then want to kick myself
although I know I chose it because
it is not something I am comfortable with
and I start preparing things, this rubber
donut and a head with scalp sutures
and running through the details in my head
mentum anterior or posterior?
definitely anterior, I can see it in my mind
but need to run my brain through the why
I am reminded why drills are so good
I ask if we can do it in another language
knowing this will help me even more

16 rush

2009-05-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

I rush to finish
trying to keep you secret
its better if we leave
before she returns

78-high risk

2009-05-17T07:44:00.000-07:00

she's sexually active, and doesn't use protection
it only happened a couple of times, she said
and the last time she had sex was before aids
even existed, and of course she is too old for
pregnancy to be an issue

but now she's bleeding, an 84 year old woman
and perhaps she could get pregnant, so we discuss
the imperative need to use some protection

and we consider the implications of a woman
of this age being pregnant, but already the baby
is imagined, and wanted, and even adopted
because even if she can carry it, she is too old for the rest,
right?

15 - show

2009-05-16T05:45:00.001-07:00

Paused on a dusty road
We watch the plane
Fly low and circle curiously
Our friends inside wave
A show to show they care

14 - wake up let go be light

2009-05-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

I awake to the sound of guitar falling
A discordant clamorous shock
And reached back for any dream

The expert said
Unlike the others
I would be best with
Short curly hair

I walk the long way
To the crosswalk
And back to the trashcan
Aware of many eyes

Peering into these dream shards
I can almost see what whispered to me
all night: wake up let go be light

84 - say ahhh

2009-05-14T09:19:00.000-07:00

You opened your mouth wide
finally so I could check
your new teeth, and there
were way more molars than would ever
fit into such a small mouth.

13-ankle deep in illusion

2009-05-14T07:13:00.000-07:00

You take me to the edge
To show me the way
The horizon and the lawn
Play tricks on the eye
And the couple below
Appears to be in water
Ankle deep in illusion
Really you explain,
they are bantering
Back and forth on lush grass
Still, to my eye, the party cup
tips precariously
afloat in pretend water

77-replay

2009-05-13T07:14:00.000-07:00

an ex comes to the studio
to film a spot
I know it is pushing
unspoken, spoken
edges of comfort

he wrestles me
as joe enters the room
and totally loses his mind
this familiar insanity
completely unavailable
to me

he pushes me away
says we are through
and I can see he means it
but he is being crazy
and I say so

I see the disgust on his face
and I see that he is not going to
let it go
this stirs my crazy
and I beg, threaten
harpy, say he must have
never loved me

nothing penetrates his
surface, and he walks away

days later, dream time
I am on the schoolyard after the ex
has done his spot
talking to clare about her dad
she says no, he'll not forgive
and I can't seem to believe
that this is real

although I crumble in a ball
and wake wimpering

12-followed

2009-05-13T07:05:00.000-07:00

This is the beginning
Searching for a place
Too many people
Too much noise

This is the middle
Midwife’s home
Bearing food
Unidentifiable

This is the end
Awake in bed
Frustrated with the lack
Of a strong poem

11-what are you planting?

2009-05-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

rows and rows and plots
of tender plants tended
with young enthusiasm

83 - reruns

2009-05-11T07:58:00.000-07:00

We were driving in the family van
toward the Dreaming House, when
I said "Listen to what I dreamed
last night," and I began,
"Daniel told us where to go with our sphere,
with our offering that had to be placed
just so on the altar of the world.
The location was a tiny perfectly round
island where a scuffed-up surfboard
had been stood and embedded in the sand,
about 20 feet off the coast
of El Salvador. Once we put the sphere
in its place....." But they
weren't listening to me.
It was not interesting to them.

10-desperate for cover

2009-05-11T07:14:00.000-07:00

together under overhang
and I press my palm into yours
willing us invisible

it does not work and she approaches
but I press again desperate
and we are concealed

82 - eyes

2009-05-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

Daniel, our Salvadorean
ex-drug addict house painter,
told us where to go with our sphere,
with our offering that had to be placed
just so on the altar of the world.
The location was a tiny perfectly round
island where a scuffed-up surfboard
had been stood and embedded in the sand,
about 20 feet off the coast
of El Salvador. Once we put the sphere
in its place, we came back
onto the main beach, a little worried
that all the passing people would take
our offering, thinking it a novelty
instead of what it really was.
But the sand opened up new treasures
to us, artifacts and clay shards of old
pots, each piece embossed with eyes,
age-old irises and pupils gazing
at us from centuries and lifetimes
ago. When I gathered all the pieces
of eyes together on the ground,
in a mosaic of sight, I knew my
vision could open up if only I could
put the puzzle together into completion
on the beach.

81 - nothing left

2009-05-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

My hair is punk boy short and I look
at myself in the mirror disbelieving
in the hair and in the fact that you
didn't show up for the trip, but all
the people did. They showed up early,
before me, and finished everything
before I got there. Someone left
the hose on in the grass and the whole
yard was flooded, everyone wading
around in ankledeep mud and water, looking
for something, artifacts, clay pieces,
but mostly just complaining about being wet.
And I wracked my brains trying to imagine
how we could fill the rest of the days
of the trip when they'd already finished
everything so early, all done, nothing
left to do or say.

76-torrid: almost a limerick

2009-05-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

there was a young woman named anne
who often dreamed she was a man
she'd look down and see
parts different than she
and then she'd look down again,

and again

80 - sugar

2009-05-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

I arrange precious
little skulls on the altar,
candy skulls with chocolate flowers,
pink and green blobs of blossom
on their foreheads, drippy sweet
eyeballs and glazed pearly teeth.
I arrange them so carefully, moving
them a millimeter to the right or left,
so that the altar is perfect, skulls
glowing in candlelight and warmth,
sugar and sweetness of life.

75-bar

2009-05-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

I've told the man to just go - I know he needs a break
and it is always hard to leave. He is about to when I
see that we are in a bar/restaurant in asia, and a throng
is just entering. I ask if this is his place as I try to understand
what a woman is asking me for. He says yes, he is the chef
and the bartender. I know he can't leave yet - he is not willing
to close the doors on these people and I have no idea what
they are saying. He starts to speed train me to take over.
This is somehow so real that I wake unsure of who or
where I am.

9-golf? really?

2009-05-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

It's a quick dream clip
Obama
Golf course
and a Loner
And a soundbite: "Kelvin, you're on our team"

I suppose even with different
influence
interest
focus
There is no escaping that we're part of the world

8-water rising

2009-05-07T10:45:00.001-07:00

the floods are coming
and he is on his way
I can track him
via cellphone GPS

a night of travel
and when he arrives
he's innocuous: in dog form
but I know better

and I wonder whether
the freezer will be the
best place to set up camp
safe as the waters rise

58-without saying goodbye

2009-05-07T09:37:00.000-07:00

every night
we visit
last night
there was so much to say
i just wanted to sleep
under the covers
and listen to your stories
see your new apartment
the green carpet suits you
and watch you gesture with your hands
in that old familiar way
but this time
you didn't wait to say goodbye
leaving on your journey
while I was lifting weights
and the dream knowledge
spoke of the importance
of locating my dad
though I might have to rent one
or borrow my friend's
i can't believe you left
without saying goodbye

57-waiting in line

2009-05-07T09:31:00.000-07:00

i've been waiting in line for so long
in this broken down vehicle
that is my home

escaping the war
a woman alone
i wonder if i should lock or unlock
the doors

discoveries are made in the cupboards
old lamps
no oil

only the fur
to keep me company
though we are crazed
in these cramped surroundings
the endless waiting
the captivity

i see you
also waiting
and you watch me barely roll to the curb
run out of gas
begging you to take me in
to run away together
to gather
again
you and me
no

56-my beloved

2009-05-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

swimming in the night
i met my beloved
it was a surprise
for I wasn't even looking
trickster crackled in his eyes
sweet rivers flowed through his heart
when we grasped each other's hands
we knew what we had found
a pile of great books
one's my great lover once read
which marked you as the real thing
and reminded me that love builds on love
that what you once cared for
is always there
informing the desire and wanting
forever
and you are now the mix of ingredients
long stirred
that make my heart sing
born from lightening
and dancing the energies of the universe

why are we blamed for the stroke of god that comes through us,
the timing of planets that brings me fire
or you the clear blue of the sky and the breaking of thunder?

it is time to raise my voice over this madness
tell the demon to go
i am sensitive in the morning
but I am fierce while dreaming
the dark arts need to be turned towards with raised voice
as the grandfather clock steals my sleep
the mask of a monster creeps around the corner
the children aren't at peace here

you see, i sing for my beloved only

74-disease

2009-05-07T08:13:00.000-07:00

hepatitis and explanations
about transmission to clients
who are worried about me
caring for them

and an old lady
sleeping in the theatre
turns out to be
dead

7-piled high

2009-05-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

the chickens are piled high
a shitting sleeping stone
wall of endless life and death

in the long tunnel under the town
crews must regularly replace pipes vents
there are only patches of light from above

I asked for a dream of True Love
and this is what I received: true love is
real life, occasionally pretty, and requires maintenance

73-dance

2009-05-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

gold dress slinky dance
uncomfortable when watched
but still wanting it

6 - hope invented

2009-05-05T13:21:00.000-07:00

We have just realized that
for all the possible concentric circles of our meeting
there is only one in which
all of you and all of me meet:
in the creative mythic transcendent.

So I ask for a dream of hope and dream friend turns to me laughing:
"The Artist can find all the answers to every question they can think of."

And perhaps now that we have seen
the epicenter of our conjoined magic
it can spread like ink on the page
and perhaps there are solutions formed from clay
and hope invented and sung.

79 - job

2009-05-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

I am consumed with making
it work. I try to drag and drop
the words into the right place
in this new graphics program
and the words are flowery and boldly
colorful, but they won't go
into the right places. I'm trying
to design a birthday card
for my ex-girlfriend, and her birthday
is months away. I'm so focused
that I don't notice that there is a line
of people waiting for me to help
them. Lee calls and gets mad at me
for keeping the people waiting
and not doing my job.

72-violence

2009-05-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

tree lined streets and
I am a student wandering

now in a house that is not my own
sleeping on a couch, considering renting

now coming into my home
beloved child, thrown against the wall
still and with eyes open and broken

I run upstairs to look for the other
knowing that leaving is impossible

loving this child with everything

5- Mami Wata

2009-05-04T10:03:00.000-07:00

She walks across the yard
just like a normal teenager
wearing an oversized fur lined coat.

Mami Wata the Dark Goddess
of Chaos and Creation heading across the lawn
towards your painting studio.

71-too many

2009-05-04T07:35:00.000-07:00

so many nights now of wispy waking
remembering just under the opening of my eyes
and then all day the feeling of strings pulling

and then this morning I remember
a bottle of piercing cleaning solution, priced
$2.99 for the large bottle and $3.99
for the small.

78 - breath

2009-05-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

We sip our orange juice
from miniature doll cups,
and all the cousins are perched
around the long table, peering up
at us over the fringe of a lace tablecloth.
Sirens wail out on the freeway,
the entire stretch closed off from onramp
to offramp with some fierce accident
I can't see. The drunk uncle and I look
down into the water from the railing
of a cruiseship jammed tight
into a red canyon. I jump and I remember
to tuck my chin, curve my body like a banana
and point my toes. Plummeting into the sand
far below the surface, murky grains
fluttering into the disturbance, I awaken
to sirens wailing out on the freeway,
just as I catch my breath.

4-golden

2009-05-03T06:53:00.000-07:00

Please, stop your approach
be still and listen
What you are practicing
Escapes the walls
Escapes the windows
And fills this grove
With golden music

77 - glow

2009-05-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

Airplanes fly like peacock feathers
into green and iridescent trails
overhead, as I examine her new Chinese
cat tattoo. Exquisite. And we congregate
in the airport lobby, sipping at dingy white
cafeteria cups, while we tell the miracles
of Teotihuacan to a new initiate. When
I see the rafters in the ceiling, I leap
up and swing into them, hoisting my body
over and under, effortlessly coming back
to all I used to do with the trapeze.
I write a few poems while I'm at it,
and it's light out long after midnight.
Twilight glow shimmers over the trees,
as I peel apples and cut them into little
pieces for the baby.

3-you nique

2009-05-02T05:43:00.000-07:00

Last night the lyrics said
You are my open door
And I slid the shiny key
Into my brand new lock

Over and over and now
In slow motion one more time
Don’t you see it was not lost
But hidden close for safe keeping

Don’t just take a handout. Let yourself
Be cherished for the unique you of you
In a night pulled tight by magic
This is what I carried into waking